I have a puppy .. Or maybe had.. I don’t know what tense is appropriate. She came into my life when I needed her the most. I was recovering from a break up from someone who I fancied as the love of my life. It wasn’t easy. It was one of those very intense relationships that left me friendless. I did not have a social life. I refused to take up any hobby. All I knew was work, school, home. I was so delighted to have a pet. I always wanted one but my parents saw it as an unnecessary luxury. It was so bad for me that I could have taken in a goat and called it a pet. I even always dreamt of finding a bird that fell of it’s nest so I could keep it as mine. So well, this was my chance.

It was going so well. People didn’t get the point. I could barely take care of myself, how would I feed a hungry month old vulnerable puppy? Or buy meds? Or afford a vet. I did everything I should. I spent so much time and money and read up so much on lhasa apsos, I became a walking encyclopedia.I shopped online for clothes, toys, nappies bla bla bla. I was on top of the world. And in the blink of an eye, it all changed.

My neighbours hated the dog. It was becoming a nuisance. I fell into a bout of depression. My dog became the enemy. I was in and out of hospitals. No one was there for the poor little creature. She became withdrawn. She lashed out. She suffered anxiety. Somewhere along the line, I stopped caring. I didn’t love any less, I just couldn’t be bothered. I would sleep and feel the guilt eating me up inside. It still is. I feel so bad I actually had to write about how bad I feel. But she’s in a much better place. It still hurts I had to let her go. But I’ll get over it. She will forget me. That part hurts.. Soon she will be loved and kept and she will blossom. I will miss her. I love you Bugzy.

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