Reaching for straws is all, I don’t know myself anymore. He’s gonna pay for all the tears I cried this time. Somehow he’s gotta pay, even though it’s going to hurt me too, but what’s the difference between how I feel now and how I’ll feel then?!. It’s only pain, but I’ll be better then, cos I’ll be used to it. Except this time he’ll know how I feel. I was in a play, no matter how forbidden he made it, I love what I do. I can’t feel bad about that. It’s probably going to be my only company! I can’t continue to be so dependent on someone who can dispense of me when he feels like it, and stay angry at me for as long as 5 days totally ignoring my existence. I can hardly stay mad at you for two minutes! I’m going to pack my stuff tomorrow and I’ll leave for home. I’m tired of this city and this broke life. I’m broke, I have a boyfriend broker than I am who doesn’t even appreciate me being with him ad spending my money on him! It would be easy to say he shows his appreciation by not picking fights with me but that he does all the time! I have needs he can’t meet. I thought he’ll be my ticket to my waning self-esteem, although I have to admit he has helped me admit to my broke status. He can hardly do anything for me yet he blabs to his friends about how money is love and no girl ever truly loves you without money. I’ve never heard anything so mean and pathetic before! He tries to pretend or maybe he’s being sincere that he can live without me perfectly well so what happens when we are not even physically together anymore? I have to break the strings. It would be best for me. I’ll be an emotional wreck when he’s gone and we have a fight. I’m far more emotional than Claire and he’s hardly my attentive Jide who’ll chat with his babe nonstop. Why the hell do I have to fall in love anyway? What good has that ever done for me!

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